EyeEdit

Arguably, overwriting is the biggest obstacle to concise writing.  And, digesting too many words is one of the biggest obstacles to reading.  As writers, we can work to create lively, but lean, muscular, strong sentences and paragraphs.  We offer some suggestions for clear, to the point easy writing- without the fat.

1.  Be active. With the active voice, the subject is a be-er or a do-er and the verb moves the sentence along.  With the passive voice, the subject of the sentence is neither a do-er or a be-er, but is acted upon.  Replace passive voice with active voice. Write sentences where the subject of the sentence is being acted upon and/or the subject is the actor.

• Wordy:
  Our oceans are being destroyed by uncontrolled oil spills.
• Concise:
  Uncontrolled oil spills are destroying our oceans.

2.  Avoid filler phrases. Fillers are sounds or words that fill gaps, but are not necessary. Fillers range from repetitious sounds, such as “uh”, “um” to words and phrases, such as “whatever,” “you know,” “anyway,” “all right” and “like”. Using the phrases “there is,” “it is,” and “there are” at the beginning of sentences often delay a sentence’s true subject and verb.

• Wordy:
  It is expensive to upgrade Facebook pages.
• Concise:
  Upgrading Facebook pages is expensive.
• Wordy:
  There were a lot of people gathered for the arts festival.
• Concise:
  Many people gathered for the arts festival.

3.  Question “this.” Instead of using “this” at the beginning of a sentence, join two sentences with a comma.

• Wordy:
  Toxins have been banned from aerosols. This has lessened the ozone layer’s depletion.
• Concise:
  Banning toxins from aerosols has lessened the ozone layer’s depletion.

4.  Question “that.” Change “which” or “that” constructions to an “-ing” word.  Or, when possible, avoid “which” or “that.”

• Wordy:
  The critique group, which meets each week, reviews manuscripts and documents.
• Concise:
  The critique group, meeting weekly, reviews manuscripts and documents.

• Wordy:
  Because the oil, which was brown and toxic, was dumped into the ocean, the company that was negligent had to be shut down.
• Concise:
  Because the brown, toxic oil was dumped into the ocean, the negligent company had to shut down.

• Wordy:
  The editing project that was assigned to me was difficult.
• Concise:
  The editing project assigned to me was difficult.

5.  Turn two into one. Combine two short, related sentences by omitting part of one sentence.

• Wordy:
  The editor is concerned about problems. Typical problems may occur with spelling, grammar and punctuation.
• Concise:
  The editor is concerned about typical problems with spelling, grammar and punctuation.

• Wordy:
  Nina went to the bookshop. The bookshop was located on Martin Street.

• Concise:
  Nina went to the bookshop located on Martin Street.

6.  Be affirmative. Affirmative statements are usually more direct and succinct than negative expressions.

• Wordy:
  The village does not have many options.

• Concise:

The village lacks options.

• Wordy:

She did not allow cats on her bed.

• Concise:
  She disallowed dogs on her bed.

7.  Clean colons. Use a colon after a statement preceding a sentence of explanation, and leave out the beginning of the next sentence.

8.  Exercise your verbs.  A) When “is” or “was” occur alone, change to a strong verb.  B) Replace “is,” “are,” “was,” “were,” or “have + an -ing word” with simple present or past tense verbs. C) Replace “should,” “would,” or “could” with strong verbs. D) Substitute strong verbs for “-tion” and “-sion” words when possible.

• Wordy:
  The report has three main problem areas.  These areas are grammar, spelling and punctuation.
• Concise:
  The report has three main problem areas: grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

• Wordy:
  A new shower curtain is necessary for the bathroom.
• Concise:
  The bathroom needs a new shower curtain.

• Wordy:
  The Haitian government was undergoing significant changes.
• Concise:
  The Haitian government underwent significant changes.

• Wordy:
  The human rights council could see several solutions.
• Concise:
  The human rights council saw several solutions.

• Wordy:
  I submitted an application for the position.
• Concise:
  I applied for the position.

9.  Be pro pro-noun.  Replace lengthy noun phrases with pronouns or synonyms, instead of repeating the same noun or noun phrase.

• Wordy:
  Rosa has two children. The names of the two children are Tony and Chris.
• Concise:

Rosa has two children. Their names are Tony and Chris.
Rosa has two children: Tony and Chris.

10.  Shun “-sion” and “-tion.”  Change “–sion” and “–tion” words to verbs when possible.

• Wordy:
  I submitted an application for the job.
• Concise:
  I applied for the job.

11.  Avoid intensifiers and qualifiers. Intensifiers like, “severely,” really,” “truly,” etc., do not add to the meaning of a sentence and can be used sparingly, if at all. Also, be cautious about adverbs like, “very,” “definitely,” “extremely,” “rather,” “somewhat,” “actually,” “currently,” etc.

• Wordy:

I really want to go to the library.

• Concise:
  I want to go to the library.

• Wordy:
  I truly wish I had found this service sooner.
• Concise:
  I wish I had found this service sooner.

• Wordy:

I am somewhat confused about the training process.

• Concise:
  I am confused about the training process.

12.  Activate adjectives.  Change a phrase or clause to an adjective.

• Wordy:
  The editor is concerned about problems that may occur with the capitalization, commas and apostrophes.
• Concise:
  The editor is concerned about grammatical problems.

13.  To be, or not to be. Avoid “to be” unless required. Reduce words by eliminating “to be” after verbs like, “appear,” “seem,” “find,” “look,” etc.

• Wordy:

Tyrone appears to be very friendly.

• Concise:
  Tyrone is very friendly.

• Wordy:

I seem to have made an error.

• Concise:
  I made an error.

14.  Retire redundancy.  Often, redundancies occur because words repeat the same idea, have similar meanings, or overlap. Below are examples or repetitive or overlapping words and phrases.

15.  It is not personal.  In formal papers, avoid the use I and we.  Obviously, the paper is yours, so you can omit phrases such as “I think,” “I believe,” or “It seems to me.”

16.  Avoid repetition.  Never say the same thing twice. Do not repeat yourself. Stop saying the same exact thing over and over and over and over and . . .

We all use way too many words from time to time (and this sentence is an example).  When you write, ask yourself if each word you used is needed.  Whenever you feel the fat creeping back into your writing, remember the 16 steps and trim!

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