EyeEdit

Today’s EyeEdit tip: Avoid long sentences.

If the sentence is too long, readers may forget what they were reading. They may lose interest and skip to the next sentence that conveys information simply. If they are busy, they may move on to the next e-mail that seems more readable.

In general, if we cannot say the entire sentence in one breath (15 to 22 words), we may begin looking for a place to put a full stop or at least a semi-colon.  We may also need to consider re-structuring the material.

Quiz

How would you edit the long sentence below so main ideas are set out in shorter sentences that are easier to read and understand?

“If we contrast the situation in health care, where although a doctor might not have had the medication to cure the body, he would spend time to talk with patients and help them deal with the emotional side of their ailments, with the situation today where patients can be treated by machines or by people who act like machines, there may be those who would say that that our health system is no more humane or compassionate than it was fifty years ago.”

(Number of words in this sentence: 83)

Suggested response:

“Health care has changed over the last fifty years. In earlier times, a doctor would take time to talk with his patients. Even if he might not have had the medication to cure the body, he would help patients deal with the emotional side of their ailments. Today, patients can be treated by machines or by people who act like machines. Many might therefore say that our health system is no more humane or compassionate today than in the past.”

(Average number of words per sentence: 16)

What are your thoughts about long sentences?

Happy writing,

EyeEdit Team

Copyright 2010 Eye Edit.  All rights reserved

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